KENT, OH- A resident in a college town, tired of paying rent, has taken residence in the school's student center. "Well, rent was starting to become a bitch," claimed Kent resident Donny Douglass. "Then one day my computer broke, and I was screwed. How was I going to cruise my chat rooms and surf for Rose McGowan pics?".

Douglass already realized that the Student Center had quite a lot to offer; free-to-play pool tables and games (such as Candyland and Risk), high-speed internet access, and more. So after his computer had crashed, and indifferences with his landlord ("she is a stupid bitch" Donny later claimed), Douglass decided to move into the student center permanently.

"It wasn't hard to move all of my stuff in. I just threw all of it in a back-pack, so I look like an average student stopping off between classes for coffee or to check my e-mail," said Donny. "I only brought the essentials... my X-Box 360, which I hook into the big screen and play when the center's not busy, my favorite blanket, and some hair wax. I guy has to think about his image when constantly surrounded by all of these hot college babes."

When questioned on his sleeping arrangements, Donny was quick to explain his method. "College kids are always sleeping in the student center. I think it has something to do with all of their classes or something, and being tired. Anyways, after a long session of steamy chat or a game of Candyland with the maintenance man Jeff, I curl up on one of the empty sofas, lower my hat, and nobody seems to bother me."

"When I am hungry, there are several options. On the main level, some idiots throw perfectly good change into the fountain. I take all that I pick out to the vending machines in the Hub... that's the student center's food court," Donny explained. "Occasionally, the student center also hosts expos and banquets. They actually set up and display free food for sampling. I fill my pockets on those days." Besides those two options, Douglass also begs for food on occasion. "Hey, a guy has to eat."

"Paying rent is for suckers," claimed Douglass. "The smart idea is to just go somewhere that is open 24 hours a day, and get comfortable."

-EM

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