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Circle K (formerly Dairy Mart, and before that Lawsons) has made their claim to fame recently with the exciting line of "Git-R-Done", with bumber-stickers, lighters, and tees. Well, Circle K is up to their old tricks once again, undertaking a drastic new campaign to change their image to appeal to their average customer.

Finding a New Breed of Employees. Circle K believes in giving back to the community, and what better way then to start hiring convicted felons on early release from prison? Of course, they only hire the most severe criminals, in hopes of inflicting the maximum amount of goodwill. They are now accepting murderers, rapists, and armed burglers. Misdemeanor convictions need not apply. And if the crime was gang-related, the name gets bumped to the top of the list.

	"I only stabbed one customer this week, and they named me employee of the month!" -Vince McDunna, Ravenna, OH

Introducing a Whole New Line of Products for Today's Customer. Circle K's biggest sales will always be in the scratch-off tickets and beef jerky ala-cart, but the executives have decided to introduce a whole new line of amazing products for today's customer.

Check out the new exciting line of products now available!

...and many more to come!

And of course, the new Advertisement Campaign. Previous commercials bragged of coffee-house quality coffee, 50-cent hotdog specials, and price-breaks on gasoline. Company execs know this isn't why people come to Circle K!

What a wonderful time to be alive, eh?

-Eric Malcolm