RAVENNA, OHIO- Arby's announced this weekend that they are introducing their own version of the 99 cent menu, at a conference held at the Knights Of Columbus Hall. "We were tired of having our asses kicked by Wendy's, Burger King, McDonalds... even Taco Bell has a damn value menu. So our creative team has went to the drawing board, and created our own 99 cent menu, sure to be a big hit with our consumers," stated Marge Fuerilla, Arby's Manager. "We are trying to make a name for ourselves here, above our reputation for tasteful holiday goblet glasses, and that Oven Mitt that later was found to be flammable."

Arby's has contemplated a 99 cent menu for some time, but with the cost of food on their menu, there were no items priced anywhere near $1.00. To solve this problem, Arby's had to get creative. "You see, here you have a junior with cheese. Retail cost for this sandwich is about a $1.99. So, we simply cut it in half, and there you go," tells Fuerilla. Among the half-junior, the menu also carries one and a half jalepeno poppers, a chicken finger, and a half pint of jamocha milk shake. Fuerilla also added, "We can't forget my favorite, a fist-full of roast beef. I see this as a favorite for those on the Atkin's Diet."

-EM

copyright © 2001-2006 Eric Malcolm Productions®